Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
