so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
