oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
