I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
