I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize