I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
