just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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