wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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