Just cropdusted the office
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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