I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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