I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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