Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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