Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
