i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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