i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
