Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
