it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
