I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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