there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
