i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
