Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The beer is more important than you right now.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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