mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
cat food counts as protein by the way
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
