Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
