Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
