Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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