If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
tell me about the fingering
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
