What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I need water and some morals
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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