i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
