You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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