if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
