ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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