I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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