Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
