Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
