gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
