That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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