My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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