i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
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So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
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I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
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