saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
