My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
