I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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