grandma shit on top of the toilet
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
