When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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