so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
