I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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