Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
