Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
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One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
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He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
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who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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