I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So much Jack, so little girl.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
