You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
