put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
