Where did you get a picture of my penis
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
