I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
