yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
