what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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