I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize