You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
