i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
someone owes me an orgasm
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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