Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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