I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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