Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm always down for nudity.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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