Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
