His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
