I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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