My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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