I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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