I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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