The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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