Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
