i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
