It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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