today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize