I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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