I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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