i just wanna soil my oats bro
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
