he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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