Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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