nut hugger
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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