I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
he laminated a picture of his dick.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
