Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
