I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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