He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
