She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
