i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
