Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Rumble strips road head = magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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